Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The Test of Will

Test of Will

October 20, 2008 at 9:47pm
In all the confusion of people dying, and people running, she wondered if there was really any reason why she should still remain alive. Why should she survive? What exactly was keeping her from killing herself? All she really had to look forward to was a butt load of bills, a ton of responsibilities, and not to mention social engagements. Was it all really worth it? Could she change the world even if she survived?
“It would be repeated,” she thought, “All of this will be repeated. I cannot escape it. I am like a sheep being lead around. I am different yet I am the same as everyone else. They are all my equals, but I am special and unique. I have to accept them, yet they do not accept me. I should let them perish in the flames of their wrong doings…but I must complete my mission.”

She lifted her head. The dream like flashback had ended. She surveyed the room of test takers, her fellow college classmates; three girls with fianc├ęs, lucky men in the military, and the other HAPPY with his long distance relationship; how she envied them. All of them seemed happier than she. They had a good direction in life, they knew where to go, how to work things, how to pass tests, and HOW TO TREAT LOVED ONES. She had failed in that particular area, and it was a constant thought on her mind. She couldn't let it go. She could not let it go. She had tried everything, and nothing worked. Everything just brought her back to the spot she started at. A start that was a mystery of metaphysical proportions.
Nothing in this life seemed new or vibrant to her anymore.
“This is depression,” the thought crossed her mind.

She glanced down at her half filled test, and then glanced at the window. She was two stories up, and the window was open with no screen. If she moved slowly at first, then sprinted and dove, she could make it out the window before anyone could scream. And by diving she might land just right on her head that it would snap her neck, she wouldn't feel a thing. The only sensation that would grace her body was the similar and wonderful sensation of a leaf floating on the breeze. Light, airy, peaceful…it was a nice thought. To have peace for once was all she wanted.

She finished her test like everyone else. "You have a mission to complete" Echoed in her head.

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